Self-soothing and sleep training
"Dear Dr. Moore,Hi, Allison,
Thank you so much for writing your book, it has totally changed my parenting experience. I've had Jake on NAPS since he was 7 weeks old, and he is now 6 months. When his little clock runs out, he rubs his eyes a few times, I swoop him up and give him a cuddle and he's out like a light in his crib. My mother can't believe what a happy, contented baby he is, he's very cheerful and giggly. I attribute this to his getting the sleep he needs during the day. He is happy, and I am happy. I can't thank you enough.
Jake usually falls asleep easily and naps 3 times a day (sometimes 4) and up until a few days ago would sleep for 5 hours straight from 7 - 12 every night. Then, just as he turned 6 months I hit a bit of a bump. He's been waking every half hour or so at night, he's not teething, he's not hungry (he gets a huge meal before bed, and a snack), his diaper is clean, but he just gets up. I soothe him and put him down again and as soon as my head hits the pillow he's up. repeat.
What am I doing wrong? I still rock him to sleep and put him down fast asleep at night, and I know I need to stop this, but I'm not sure how to do this. We have a bedtime ritual that is very enjoyable for us both -- a bottle, a bath, a massage (for him), a story, a prayer and bed, this is when I rock him to sleep. How do I put him down without rocking him to sleep? Is he telling me that he needs to learn sleep independence?
Please forgive my typos, I am functioning (or attempting to) on very little sleep. I have never not had sleep problems actually, that's why it was so important for me to teach my son proper sleeping habits, so he isn't insomniac like me. I have chronic insomnia, I slept in my mother's bed until I was 14 and have had on and off bouts since childhood. Even though Jake sleeps relatively well, especially during the day, I get about 3 to 5 hours a day, sometimes less.
Thanks again,"
- Allison, Toronto
Congrats on your happy baby! And thanks for your kind words about the book, but you are doing all of the 'heavy lifting', all the hard work on that. Good for you.
I'm curious about the change in your son's sleep habits. You are probably correct that self-soothing would help Jake to get back to sleep on his own when he wakes in the nighttime.
If you still have a copy of the book, look up 'self-soothing' in the index, there are a couple of times I cover related topics in there. Being well-rested from the get-go will help facilitate this process. It's always MUCH harder when the baby's not getting enough sleep.
Let me know what you think.
Polly.
posted by Dr. Polly at
12:09 PM
2 Comments:
Thank you so much for writing back, I really appreciate your time and concern.
Actually, we decided to try a run of self soothing (the crying it out method worked best, because he would just gen mad at the shooshing from the chair). It worked really well, the first night he cried for about 45 minutes and the second night he was asleep after literally 5 minutes of crying. He still woke up after 5 hours and I did my usual cuddles and he slept for another 5 hours, which he never did before the self soothing. I'm gradually decreasing the amount I give him in the focal feeding so eventually he won't be used to the food and won't wake for it. But the self soothing is amazing, he gets more sleep than he ever did!
And he still naps like a champion, although I find he still needs a little more sleep than the norm, and he usually naps for 2 hours at a time. I have to put him down when he's tired, and now (thanks to you) that I know his signs it's easy. He wakes up with a big smile on his face, ready for cuddles.
And one more thing, I am at a high risk for post partum depression because of my existing depression and insomnia issues, but despite these issues I have always known that I had it in me to be a good mother. I have not had to struggle with ppd, I have increased my medication and have a very supportive husband. But I also owe an enormous debt to you respecting this. Because you helped me know how and when to help my son to sleep, he is a happier baby. I get to unwind during the day and recharge myself. I structure my day around his sleep periods and that has given me predictability that makes me feel like I cacontrol our lives. I don't think I can overstate the importance of your work in relation to ppd, which is almost synonomous with chronic insomnia associated with motherhood. And it's so simple! Thank you again for helping me be a better mom for my little boy.
Hi, Allison,
Wow, that is wonderful news, that you got such quick and complete results with the cry it out method. Though the first few nights are tough on us parents, when you can ride it out and do it successfully, it pays dividends later on, and not just in sleep.
Thanks also for your kind words about the book. But again, you're the one doing the hard work and making it work.
Sometimes I feel like people regard sleep as the least 'sexy' topic in the world, and they're probably right, yet I feel a strange sense of urgency about it. It affects so much of our lives! I'm so happy for you and your many successes, and wish you future restful nights with at least some relief from your insomnia. I'm glad you shared your story with me. You made my day.
Polly.
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